What is cognitive behavioural therapy or CBT for short? CBT is based on the principle that thoughts influence feelings, feelings influence actions and actions influence our results (A. Beck 1967). In other words situations may well and indeed understandably so, seem to make us feel a certain way. All part of the human condition right ? Nothing to be done about that, right? There is certainly truth in the former statement at least.
As card carrying humans, we can quite often feel buffeted by the waves of life, especially with the fast pace of modern living which often leaves us anxious and sometimes confused. However there is amazingly much more to be done about all this than we think. Absolutely nothing in the world is set in stone and that includes us! We however have core beliefs which we ourselves unconsciously hammered into stone possibly because of subconscious programming- everyone else’s say so, our beliefs from childhood, our school performance record, innately low self esteem, unresolved trauma ,anger issues we haven’t looked at, something someone said to us a very long time ago, and to this day that assumption they created in us about our abilities, our personality, our place in the world has gone unchallenged in our heads. Therein lies the pity.
CBT is really about awareness, bringing to our conscious attention how we are feeling about a situation or how we are feeling about ourselves or something in our environment in the present moment. Then we can backtrack to the thought that, whilst not immediately evident to our conscious mind is most likely lingering in us at a deeper level.
Example: Event : Visit with a relative I don’t care for.
I feel so frustrated and annoyed and yet duty somehow obliges me. What is the underlying thought here ? Perhaps it is “same old, same old routine I can’t seem to escape from” The action that accompanies this may well be that I tune out of the company, I look bored; I could say something tetchy or inappropriate and the outcome? Well there may be unpleasantness, a sense of someone taking offence, a rebuke from a family member, which only adds fuel to fire. I am now on track unfortunately to repeat the whole irritating process all over again in the near future. The end result of repeated behaviours like this can lead to addiction, depression, loneliness and a dreadful sense of futility. Life becomes a treadmill which I can’t seem to get off of. This is where CBT can work its magic. Maybe I can change just one thing in how I think about this visit. It will be over shortly and for the duration I can make a little small talk. If it becomes too much, perhaps I can have some exit strategy. I need to leave early or take myself off for a small stroll! Maybe I need to stop visiting for a while! But the magic takes time to settle. It is by no means an instant fix.
In every moment we have a choice which is really very empowering. It is our thoughts that tell us we don’t. How we interpret these thoughts that matters most in any given situation. Negative thinking gets our brain cells to fire in a certain way creating a “stuck” neural pathway where thoughts become very repetitive and sometimes even intrusive. If these thoughts turn into repetitive little “gremlins,” they can steal our joy. It is said that “The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master!” We may have to acknowledge to ourselves that over the course of time, our minds are no longer our servants and we are indeed now the subservient ones.
Other people don’t in truth make us feel a certain way. Yes we wish they hadn’t treated us meanly or cruelly, but we still have a choice in how we think about what they said or did. We can look at our thoughts around the given situation and intercept something in the whole chain of events from situation to feeling, to thought, maybe back to feeling, to the action we take around the situation, to potential outcome. There are hundreds of permutations around the thought, feeling, reaction outcome chain in all our lives. CBT is not about eliminating negative thinking. It is about dealing with our thoughts more skillfully. If we can intercept one thought even in the chain for starters, we instantly change the feeling and the feeling is king. The important thing is to catch the “”hot potato” of the familiar thought before it becomes the familiar feeling, and we are down the same old road to doom and gloom.
Sometimes it may seem that the feeling comes before the thought and I believe it may well do. Invariably however the feeling loops back on itself to become a thought. This is where the therapist gets in with the scalpel and hands it to you to enable you to reshape that thought in the light of reason. The mind may fight this as we are very addicted to our thoughts and we can’t control all if not most of them. CBT isn’t about control, rather reappraising the situation and creating fresh thinking. This can become a new neural habit which will pay off with practice over time. We are literally through constant practice pruning back the old neural circuits in our brain and creating new pathways. This over time is the Eldorado we have been seeking, the holy grail of a more peaceful fulfilled life, and it has been within us all the time.
CBT isn’t “be happy” therapy. It is about accepting our feelings and then skillfully looking at the thoughts underlying them. It is perfectly okay to feel whatever we feel, once we don’t deny it. Feelings are a gift to help us navigate life’s waterways .But the feelings can gain increased volume due to unprocessed runaway thoughts. It is very good to sit with emotions and feelings as you would with an upset person or an upset child. It is your inner vulnerable, non spoiled child after all which you need to respond to. It is valuable to listen to feelings. They don’t usually lie unless they are propped up by over reactions and distorted thinking. It is wise to listen out for their message in the light of reason. What is the purpose of the feeling we have at any given time? Can we honour it appropriately? If we don’t, our thoughts may turn in a direction we don’t care for.
A series of CBT sessions can be life saving and can put a stop to unwanted, negative, unrealistic even out of control thinking. By ourselves we can’t navigate the forest. It may get too dark. The CBT therapist hands us the torch, and finally we see the exit. What a joy that is .
CBT is used in a great many psychological areas including
Anxiety
Negative thinking
Panic
Bullying
Phobias
Addiction
Depression
Stress disorders
Relationship problems
Anger issues
Pain management
Obsessive compulsive disorder
Eating disorders
Contact me if you have any questions about CBT or wish to make an appointment.